The depression
So deadly
The hope
All gone

//

It feels like I'm no longer living. I feel like a zombie. There's really no spark in me. It seems that I've loss the little spark I was given.

I've decided to not study for sem test. It's an experiment. I'm going to go in for sem test without doing any in depth studying starting from today.

If I come back with As I'm going to stay in phs. If not I'm going to try my hardest to enter fsv.

I'm sick and tired of contradictions and indecisiveness. I go to school feeling so very morose, there's no life there anymore. People are just giving me headaches.

I forgot how much I abhorred humans. Why am I even studying something that will benefit them? How did I not remember the hate before?

I remember I once said studying science in poly is a dumb idea. You go jc to study a science course in uni. You don't go poly to do that.

Why hadn't I remember before?

I'm spontaneous, I take colour seriously. I write in a very different way. How am I suited for science where everything is rigid and composed? Where everything is strict and important? I read fiction and much much fantasy. I enjoy language and swims in a pool of vocabulary.

Why hadn't I think of that before?

I sit and stare and daydream. I have mini enlightenments while eating, while walking alone in the park, pass the trees, by the breeze.

I write narrative. Not reports.

HOW COULD I HAVE NOT THOUGHT OF THAT.HOW?

I've always loved sharing stories. Not factual ones. Fiction, those that I made up.
WHY.

Sometimes I just want to give up on life. I'm not living anyway so why not?