Hey stalkers!

I'll like to start this with an apology and a thank you.
I would like to thank all those who took the initiative to talk to me during pf2015 despite seeing a brooding face at the corner. I would like to thank those who talked to me about conflicting things which I am still very conflicted about. I would like to thank people who, without knowing, helped me learn the smallest lessons of life. I would like to thank my roommate, despite me being a shit ass still tolerated with me at her mightiest (I AM SORRY). I would also like to thank Karin, our student facil, for sending that message; short as it may be but it means a lot to me. Lastly, I would like to thank those who stayed by me, even if you have not felt it, just staying by me have helped me through this.

I am sorry for not speaking out, for not being the extroverted part of me. For not bringing my happiness along and for not cooperating and joining in. There were so many opportunities for me to be a social butterfly but I just couldn't bring myself to (in addition to that, the incessant nagging of Alex/ Jeremy breathing down my neck just made me do the other thing; that's just me)
I wasted the chance to make really great bonds with great people and I really want to grab that chance again. Awkward it may seem, please provide me an opening to include me; I'll try my hardest to make an effort to go for bonding events with 2B (try try try for the movie on Tuesday). All of you are really good people and I want to know you all individually(: .

My long term readers, you all know I usually cannot resist the urge to speak my stand to voice out my thoughts, to comment and to critic. I am sorry for not going to your standards, I'm sorry I threw all my chances away. I'm sorry for disappointing.

Alex and Jeremy, I'm sorry for not speaking. I just couldn't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to my plethora of thoughts. I'm sorry for not voicing out.


Despite my depressing feelings throughout polyforum, I did enjoy some parts of it and also, I would like to talk a little about my experience.

Polyforum wasn't life changing to me. It wasn't of such a huge significance as others put. Rather, it was an eye opener for me.

I thought I was a loud person. I was wrong. Being in polyforum made me realised how small of a voice I had, how there were others that were braver. There were others with more consistent, more bold comments about everything and anything. I finally realised I was merely just an ant among larger ones. I was complacent. I was a step behind everyone.

And this is a good thing. I finally have an aim to grow towards to. These people. They will be my aim. My growth factor and I cannot be any more happy.

After polyforum, my list of 'people I admire' grew to a very extensive list.
People who were not afraid to be themselves. People who were able to show only happiness to others. People who care. People who love. I want to be like them. I often console people, ask them to be who they want to be. I thought I was doing that yet again, I was wrong.


The pinnacle (irony) of polyforum for me was the 'game of defence'. I hated it, still hate it, still find it ridiculous, have not learnt anything from it but I thank the people who comforted, talked and persuaded me.

I thank those who silently cared and I thank those who forgot and those who didn't understand.

Well polyforum being a forum, we were sure to have talks.
We had Ambassador Ong Keng Yong, Dr. Tan Lai Yong, Colonel Chua Boon Keat, Ms. Kuik Shiao Yin, Mr. Martin Tan, Ms. Elim Chem and Ms. Indranee Rajah.

They all had their fair share of what was deemed 'important topics' but I really don't want to talk about the serious stuffs here, that's for another day.

The largest, most emotionally piquant phrase I got back from polyforum was:

There are no permanent friends, only permanent interest 

- COL Chua Boon Keat

Sometimes I like to believe humanity is my description for humane but then sometimes I see humans as disgusting beasts that were portrayed in the game of defence. Either way, regardless of how I see them, I believe the above quote is very true.

The talks given by the respective speakers were of great lessons but I was being lazy and had a haze of inferiority and fear of judgement covering my eyes so I refuse to write down important messages and phrases I learnt from them. Although highly likely it's illegal, I wished I had recorded their speeches.


If given the chance to go for it again, I will (despite it being in woodlands next year...)
And next time I will make sure things go the right way.



All in all, polyforum was an interesting experience which I did not cherish. I will not make this mistake again.

Regardless of what I'll be doing, this shall not be repeated. This is public. So now, I have the responsibility to uphold this very promise.






Thanks JX for the personal room service !!! I'm sorry for being so lazy...



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On a side note. Look at what I accomplished before polyforum? FIRST TIME BAKING AND I ACHIEVED THIS STANDARD?? LET ME CRY IN ACCOMPLISHMENT!

Labels: pf2015

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