Every day, as I see people excel, I can only feel that green envy and the disgusting feeling of being less than.

This left me then, wondering, what am I doing wrong with my life.

It is not as if I'm not trying. I'm trying, as hard as I might. Is it not enough? Do I need to do more?

Secretly, I do have an answer but I don't have a solution for it. Even so, I am doubting if this is truly the reason as to my demise.

In an effort to comfort myself, I tell myself that this was what I wanted. A more challenging life because haven't I always complained about life and all its mundanity? I try to tell myself that it is much more peculiar, much more wonderful, colourful, to be living a life full of challenges.

But, I mean, looking at how others could so easily get what I wanted, makes me wonder why couldn't I. Why couldn't I strive for things so easily, is it luck? If so, why don't I have lady luck on my side? 

I admit, I have little restraints when it comes to hoping, dreaming and wishing, and I want a lot. Albeit, most of all, I just want that one thing. Something simple, nothing fancy. Something that will require tremendous hard work to have it flourish yet I can't get it, why?

What exactly am I doing wrong with life?

//

Just some early night thoughts.
I'm thinking of revamping my whole blogger. This means deleting so many precious memories. I am definitely upset about this but it is essential. I need to forget to move on.
On a lighter note, I can't possibly leave those horribly written posts, grammatically and everything, from the past (2009-2016) here right? I want to sound smart you see.
Speaking of which, 2009 to 2016, wow, I've been blogging for close to 7 years already. This is definitely one of those hobbies that lasted, is going to last (I hope).
Goodnight, I ought to go sleep, not that I can anyway but I'm hoping some music can help.