Title: secrets we hold
Posted on: Friday, 6 December 2013 December 06, 2013
Posted on: Friday, 6 December 2013 December 06, 2013
so, i have finally survived the no wifi ordeal and now am sitting here, right in front of my laptop, with my handphone switched to airplane mode, wondering yet again, the same question that have haunted my me every since i found out how cruel humans were.
what if one day, i had the chance to create a world. rid of people who were, selfish. who kill. those of whom who were self centred. cruel. what will happen if a world was created without the opening of the pandora box? without feelings, without hate?
that will never happen
i'm a depressing, pathetic chap and really, i don't mind. At least sometimes, i just enjoy being by myself and finding answers to unanswerable questions. and i really like it that way.
just me, music, books and probably a good weather.
so if i were to ignore you, please understand. it's really hard for me to be in school and force myself to be friendly, or well a little tad bit over friendly. Just so people would slightly give me a break and accept me. and finally, i don't have school anymore so just. just let me be alone and give me a bloody break from everyone.
as Anne Frank says:
the best remedy for those who are afraid, LONELY or UNHAPPY is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and god. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.//
i just visited my previous blogs, those that aren't registered under my current account. those of which the url was long forgotten and i wouldn't have seen it if my email wasn't logged in in my other browsers.
i read it.
and i knew, i remembered. what i wrote. it was so unreal. not the surreal kind of unreal but the building a small, self sufficient world in a back corner of the endless maze.
and i still understood why i was that way. i could see it clearly.
i read how i was so happy on moving on to secondary school life because i got to throw away a mask that was used for 6 years.
but apparently, after 2 years of wearing a new mask, i had to go back to the previous one. why?
the past haunts you, it's like the anchor in your life and it constantly drags you down to sea and in the end, drowns you.
i hate it when people ask me if i was alright, what's wrong. why am i being like this.
when people tell me to be more optimistic.
you see, i tried. i tried. but i can't take it up, do you not understand?
honestly, right now, all i want to do is shut myself out and remove everyone i know in my life and just be myself.
one cannot have love loneliness more than i did for i understand how cruel and hateful people are, how they are sure to hate you.
call me stubborn.
but i'll live it my way. i hate it when people ask me to change, to be this way. to not be like this.
see, people don't really change.
so don't try to change me.
it doesn't work that way.
i have secrets to keep and i tend to continue it that way.
///
on the other note, about my previous post. i realised how very wrong i was. Disney is meant to be magical so every thing happens because it happens. there shouldn't be a reason. it's just magic. and i accept it. i guessed i was just so caught up in reality i forgot the magic in stories.